Last Thursday, I received my first round of feedback from Sean. Though Sean’s notes taught me a lot, I struggled with two issues.
First, Sean suggested I cut the bring-you-back-to-life mechanic. This was tough because, initially, it seemed to kill the whole concept of redemption flavor I hoped to create with this item. I threw out one possible solution to Sean which he thought might work and I ran with it. The result is still the same flavor with a very different mechanic. Essentially, the mechanic is no longer instantaneous, which solved a lot of the inherent problems with my original design.
Second, I clearly did not understand the pricing rules and set the price at near unattainable artifact levels, which was overkill for the item’s power suite. I spent some time getting my head around item pricing. My first rewrite came out higher than the first draft. D’oh!
The real difference was understanding single use, use-activated opposed to use-activated or continuous. In the second rewrite, I think I am pretty close. The price is now a bit more than 10% of the original. Below, I have included a snapshot of the XLS table I used to work on pricing. It shows the parameters I plugged into the formulas from Paizo.
Finally, I had to kill one of my darlings. I really liked the following mechanic. It is a great combination of crunch and flavor that fits the item. However, something had to go to make the required word count of 300. With this bit struck, I slid in at 297.
These gauntlets may only be used by divine spellcasters who channel positive energy. If used by a negative energy channeler, these gauntlets do not function and the wearer takes 1d6 points of fire damage every round until the gauntlets are removed.
You’ll find the complete second draft below. Enjoy!
Aura strong conjuration (healing); CL 11th
Slot hands; Price 26,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
These gauntlets were created to free mindless undead from their necromantic masters and grant intelligent undead an opportunity for redemption.
The wearer gains a +2 morale bonus on attack rolls with unarmed strikes and natural attacks, and on combat maneuver checks against undead creatures.
When grappled or pinned by the wearer, undead are affected as follows:
- Mindless undead immediately cease attacks and submit to the grapple. Intelligent undead must make a DC 19 Will Save or do the same.
- Once grappled and each round the wearer maintains the grapple, undead take 5 points of damage and a cumulative –1 penalty on all ability checks, attack rolls, combat maneuver checks, Combat Maneuver Defense, saving throws, skill checks, effective caster level, and caster level checks (this does not make it lose prepared spells or spell slots). If the penalty equals or exceeds the undead’s Hit Dice, the negative energy that animates them is destroyed.
- When this occurs, mindless undead crumble to dust and, into the wearer’s ear, an ethereal voice whispers “Thank You.”
- Intelligent undead revert to the lifeless corpse of the creature they were in life. The wearer hears her deity offer the creature the choice of oblivion or a chance at life. If the creature chooses life, its corpse is sanctified and can be raised from the dead. If raised, the creature returns to life a devout worshiper of the wearer’s deity.
Once per day, the wearer may expend 10 uses of channel positive energy to cast raise dead with a caster level equal to the wearer’s divine caster level.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Turn Undead; heal, raise dead; Creator must be able to channel positive energy; Cost 13,000 gp